Ask Ashleigh: My Fiancé Isn’t Helping

A young woman feels overwhelmed by challenges she is facing while planning a future with her significant other.

Have a problem you can’t solve? Need help from a friend? Ask Ashleigh! Submit your questions through Twitter or Instagram to be anonymously featured in a future post.

Today, we have a question from a subscriber who feels overwhelmed by challenges she is facing while planning for a future with her significant other.

Dear Ashleigh,

I’m tired. I am sick and tired. My fiancé and I will be getting married in just a few months, but I’ve been feeling very alone recently. I have been planning the wedding all by myself, in addition to looking for a house that we can move into shortly after our honeymoon. I have presented multiple options that fit our budget and meet all our requirements, but every time we get close to making a serious offer, someone influences my fiancé to hesitate. These outside voices have made it impossible for us to move forward on anything. Time is running out and I feel like if I don’t make all the decisions myself, then nothing will get done. And on top of this, I’m trying to search for a new job. I just don’t know what to do.

Fatigued Fiancée

Dear Fatigued,

To me, you sound more frantic than fatigued. Planning a wedding is no small feat, nor is house hunting; however, I notice you didn’t mention what challenges your husband-to-be may be taking on…

Some of us become brides only to forget that the wedding is not about florals, décor, menu, or real estate. Matrimony is about establishing lifelong partnership. Partnership is a state of joint interest or union. You may find some relief by talking to him to find out why exactly he is hesitant. I suspect there may be more than a few convincing third-party opinions holding him back.

Now, even if you find that his hesitation was fueled by others, there is still opportunity to share your feelings of aloneness by telling him that you need support in this area. Then—here is the most important part—tell him how he can provide that support. What exactly do you need him to do in order for both of you to refocus on the real reason you decided to get married?

Good luck, and congratulations,


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